*************************************************************
We are sisters on a journey,
Singing now as one,
Remembering the Ancient Ways,
The women and the wisdom,
The women and the wisdom.
We are sisters on a journey,
Singing in the sun,
Singing through the darkest night,
The healing has begun, begun;
The healing has begun.
"She's been waiting.
She's been waiting so long.
She's been waiting for her children,
To remember to return..."
Autumn came yesterday and with it the sudden memory, (as if I don't speak about this all the time! The turning of the seasons!)...the sudden memory and realization that the waters will be too cold to swim in soon (and I like cold water) and the comfort and privacy of my back yard will disappear slowly but surely as the blanket covering of deciduous trees lose their leaves. Back to being fully dressed on the back porch in the morning where I sit with my coffee.
I began to think of all the things I didn't do that I wanted to do ~ how I didn't camp enough, sit around enough fires, never went to the mountains but once last weekend and haven't felt the hot sand of the shore on the back of my legs as many times as I was called to do.
I turned forty this year and I can hardly stop thinking about the fact that it is time to truly get rid of the layers of guilt I walk around with. The layers I torture myself with; the must's, should have's, I regret's, I am guilty of's, why did I ever's?
Yeah, autumn is the time to grieve, as Demeter did for her lost daughter Persephone, to grieve the loss of time, the loss of hopes we may have had that did not come to fruition in the garden of our lives. (Yet!)
There are deep layers within us. In the fall, I can't ignore, even if I wanted to, the calling of the soul. It beckons me deep into myself, tells me to grab the wash bucket and my favorite old-fashioned broom. It's time for cleaning, clearing, releasing, letting go of....
But it's also the time to be, as Persephone was, as Inanna was, as Ishtar of Babylonia was ~ the adventuring woman preparing for her rich and magical journey to the Underworld of herself.
Autumn is the time of beauty and a celebration of the abundant earth, the glory of the Mother Goddess and her gifts of the earth to us, Her much-loved children. To fully embrace the joy and happiness, the gratitude and the magical nature of life, I must be willing to dance with the darkness within when necessary; to meet with it, embrace it, stand beneath a glowing disco ball of sparkling love lights with it, and to dance with those wicked shadows of myself until they no longer make me run and hide, until I am familiar with how they move, how they operate, what their secrets are.
And the light will make everything all right.
My goal this year is to deepen the relationship I have with myself, to find the comfort I am longing for, in my own, strong arms.
I wish to be free from the harsh and seemingly unending pressure I put myself under to perform on the stage of my life perfectly, to do my best, be my best, to strive, to suffer through it, to persevere...
I am from the old school, always the old school ways. The way of the tough love, white fisted, hard-core, hard-knocks, back-breaking, toughen-up, brow-beating, eye-brow knitting, what now?, eye-glaring, warrior.
Can I blame it on the way I grew up forever?
This year may I go in silence, in reverence, with flower offerings and apple pie trust down the spiral path to the caves within me, calling on Bear for her strong medicine energy. May I gather, along the way, raw garnet and soft earth to ground me, healing roots for my pouch, songs to sing to myself when I cry.
We all have within us the archetype and energies of the Divinely Compassionate Mother. I commit and intend to reach my arms out to this ever-loving presence, to call upon my Spirit guides and ancestors, to sit at the beautiful altars I create and pray at them more often.
I want the words I use on myself to inspire me like a pumpkin patch in autumn, like the smell of an apple orchard at night does; like the wind in my favorite month of October, the scent of the sea in my August memories and the newly plowed earth in spring, does.
When I speak to myself, may I use the words of the Divine Mother within me! May I bless myself, encourage myself with words like:
You are inspiring!
Create from your beautiful heart!
Let love flow from your open-wide heart!
Give it away, give it away!
Love life fully.
Life loves you fully!
Don't apologize.
Be You, Sacred You.
Move peacefully; take your time.
All is well, everything is unfolding as it should!
You may nap and dream in the afternoons.
You don't have to suffer!
You may learn the easy way...
It's OK to not suffer.
I give you permission to live joyfully.
You are good enough...
You are enough...
You are perfect just the way you are! Just being you, you are perfect.
Your heart is golden pure.
You are innocent, white, Maiden ~ adventurous, risking, brave and free, a woman unto herself!
You are the life blood red of the earth, Earth Mother, nurturing, whole, creative and cared for!
You are wise woman within, Black magical night, Crone Mother, sage magic, blessing all you are!
You are all you need to love and all you need to be loved.
Take up the space,
Speak all your truth,
Sing to the glowing moon,
Let flow the magical musings pouring forth from your trusting heart!
Forgiving,
Healing,
Loving,
Releasing,
Opening,
Transforming,
Connecting,
Birthing,
Magical!
I wish this for all of us. That we take that pressure off of ourselves once and for all and love ourselves in a way that is supportive and soft-spoken and powerful and strong all together.
This came in from DailyOM.com recently. It was the medicine I needed. I truly want to print this out, put it on my altar and read it every, single, day.
September 8, 2008
Trying To Please Others
Living For Ourselves
Most of us come to a point in our lives when we question why we are doing what we are doing, and many of us come to realize that we may be living our lives in an effort to make our parents happy. This realization can dawn when we are in our 20s, our 40s, or even later, depending upon how tight a hold our family of origin has on our psyche. We may feel shocked or depressed by this information, but we can trust that it is coming to us at this time because we are ready to find out what it would mean to live our lives for ourselves, following the call of our own soul, and refusing any longer to be beholden to someone else’s expectations. One of the most common reasons we are so tied into making our parents, or others, happy, is that we were not properly mirrored when we were children. We were not honored as individuals in our own right, with a will and purpose of our own, to be determined by our own unfolding. As a result, we learned to look outside of ourselves for approval, support, and direction rather than look within. The good news is that the part of us that was not adequately nurtured is still there, inside us, like a seed that has not yet received the sunlight and moisture it needs to open and to allow its inner contents to unfurl. It is never too late to provide ourselves with what we need to awaken this inner being. There are many ways to create a safe container for ourselves so that we can turn within and shine the light of awareness there. We may join a support group, go to therapy, or start a practice of journaling every day for half an hour. This experience of becoming is well worth the difficult work that may be required of us to get there. In whatever process we choose, we may feel worse before we feel better, but we will ultimately find out how to live our lives for ourselves and how to make ourselves happy.
**************************************************************************************************************************
The dreams I've been having are filled with enough messages that I can't deny there is a lot going on within me that needs healing. I am surrounded by all the support in the Universe any one of us could need. And so...are...you!
In the ancient myths, Persephone would be far into her journey through the Underworld right now. She has Hecate as her wise guide and I won't be alone down there in the dark, cold days of autumn and winter either.
I have always loved the dark, the deep, the magical, the witches, the wise women, the deep roots of the forest. And I call upon the ancient Root Women who live beneath the apple trees, who feed us up what we need to do next. Ancestors, the time of the thinning veils is coming. Prepare me, love me, hold me, guide me. So Mote It Be.
Like Persephone, may I care for the ghosts of myself so that they are nurtured, renewed and brought back to life again.